Go Jump In The Lake!

 It was a beautiful day to go "jump in the lake". And the wetsuit helped with the cold for sure, but it was still extremely cold for the first two seconds. The costume parade was fun, 35 participants dressed silly then to all jump into the cold winter lake. The effort raised $15,000. for the Northeast Georgia Council on Domestic Violence. Soon as I got out of the wet clothes, I found my way to some hot chocolate:) My jumping was about playing it forward. Heart Haven's theme: "Love Shouldn't Hurt".
   Made a nice dinner at home, talapia, brown rice, wilted spinach, and sweet potatoes. My teenager promptly pronounced it as. "nasty". I guess I am getting a thicker skin, as this is exactly the type of comment that would have come from her Father. I just said, "Oh well, it's healthy and tasty and it is dinner. You might try it before you decide not to eat because I am not making anything else tonight." She grabbed her plate and left the room. No, not the appreciative companion I would have preferred, but I am feeling it is absolutely essential that I employ what I have learned in this last year.
  I will not react to such negative behaviors, I will respond but not let them budge me or my peace. I love my child dearly. I will teach her that Mom isn't to be bullied, not by her Father or her. I can already foresee the day will come when she isn't getting something she wants and she will threaten to go live with him etc... I am practicing the cool response, "that has always been your choice and still is". Now, I will of course pray to God that she does not make that choice as I feel it would be harmful to her in many ways. But if I don't want to teach her to be an enabler, I also do not want to nurture self-centered manipulative behaviors either. I am in search of a middle ground of good health, compassion with boundaries.
  One of my magnolia sisters, says we "teach others how to treat us". I believe there is a lot of truth in that statement. I believe I certainly have to choose my battles but, I am thankful that I at least now have the energy to do so. I can only imagine this phase of mothering would have been incredibly difficult if still living under the abusive cloud of her Father. My lawyer reflected that if we had stayed and things continued as they were, it most certainly would have ended violently. It wasn't lost on me that there was the implication that sweet old doormat might have snapped and turned on the abuser, not in defense of myself but in defense of my child. It gives me cold chills to contemplate it, but I know she is precisely right. It was a case of fight or flight and flight is certainly the safest long range option.
    And as I contemplate that fact, how much worse it could have been, it reminds me that for all the financial damage and material losses I am still alive and free, as is my daughter and yes even my abusive husband. My joy is coming back more and more. My fears and worries have been soothed and are less and less a dominant force in my day. The more I let go my worries to God, the more peace I feel. I have choices and free will and I choose to trust and to hope. I am caring less and less about how politically correct it is to express my faith. I am not preachy or pushy, I am humbled and grateful and I will PRAISE all that I feel like praising. It's a God thing baby. I am not special at all, but I have an extraordinary God and I will not allow "religious folk" nor "fence sitters" nor "atheists" to push me into a box anymore. Guess I am not just braving cold lake waters, I am also braving cold people too.