God's "Individual Educational Plan" reflections from a "slow learner"

 The parallels between the best practices we are now seeing results from in our county school system and how God already uses them in my life are kind of bonking me gleefully over the head this morning. As teachers, we get such a kick out of seeing that spark in our students' eyes when they make a breakthrough and begin to own knowledge for themselves. I am hoping God does too, as we make spiritual breakthroughs and start "getting" it. Maybe he is happy we are moving UP and making progress?
   We human teachers struggle to create the best Individual Educational Plan for our students, in order to optimize their potential for learning. If one strategy doesn't work, we continue trying and collaborating and we don't give up. Now, I think we are a particularly passionate and committed group of educators here in Franklin County, always willing to roll up our sleeves and give it our very best effort.
  I have been reflecting how God has a specific "Individual Educational Plan" for my life, and I am amazed at his supernatural patience with a slow learner. The recent "Bells Palsy" affliction has been just one more area when handed over to Him, he has used to teach me all sorts of things I needed to learn, such as:

1. People who matter the most don't care how your face looks. You are much more than your outward appearance.
2. Stop fretting and stressing and REALLY release it to God to handle ( if you don't you will actually get a physical jolt of pain to get your attention!)
3. REST more and especially on Sunday!
4. Talk less (again if you don't you will FEEL it physically) And secondarily be careful what you WISH for, remember that firmer, simpler, QUIETER wish?
5. Prioritize and know that your BEST is good enough, keep reaching up but don't BE so DRIVEN that you lose sight of the simple JOYS.
6.  A HEALTHY SENSE of HUMOR is indeed a GIFT that lightens many burdens.
7. TRUST:  He's Up To Something.

 Yes, the metaphor holds up very well. He is the Master Soul Educator!

We Teach Others How to Treat Us? Except when...

  Except when we do not.

   I have heard this one liner thrown out a lot lately and on the surface it neatly squares with the concept the we are all in charge of our lives and responsible for every good or bad thing therein. As I have learned and studied so very much in the past two or three years relating to boundaries and even mental personality disorders, I have to say while I can see some truth in the statement, I  must say that I don't agree with the context in which I have often seen it used.

  For example I can clearly discern, now, from both hindsight and being educated on the nature of my ex-husband's personality disorder how my giving and "compliant" nature enabled him. But I can also see that I did not "teach" him to be a narcissist, he came already wired with that unfortunate disease. I was operating from a view of normal nurturing and Christian concepts of love as spoken of in Corinthians. It is not considered enabling in a healthy relationship to forgive or tolerate, but in an abusive one it is too often thrown back in your face as if to say "you asked for it".  No mentally healthy man or woman has ever taught their abuser to abuse them. Many of us do have boundary issues, especially sweet nurturing southern women. It has been ingrained in us for many generations and the truth is in healthy relationships with healthy people it is not a bad trait at all. But in an increasingly malfunctioning world full of messed up people, it can set us up to be like a lamb wandering in to a slaughter.
  
   We can learn to spot these individuals and we can learn to put up and keep up healthy boundaries to keep evil at bay and still allow loving relationships into our lives. We do need to stop worrying so much about what others think of us or even hurting their feelings and get on with the business of being our authentic selves. But please be careful when you throw that phrase out there as a blanket statement implying that every victim of a bad relationship consciously chose to be one.

  This statement also follows the pop logic that if young girls didn't dress so provocatively there would be less rapists. Rape is not about sex, it is about power and a sick individual uses sex to dominate and diminish the worth of the victim. Provocative dress might make a man look, even be aroused but healthy individuals then court the girl they don't physically assault her. I am tired of seeing this blaming of victims.

   My gut feeling is that some people who haven't been victimized find the whole subject way too uncomfortable to discuss.  They find their concerns easier to dismiss by thinking the victim "did" something to cause this to happen. It then follows that if you don't make that same mistake then you will be safe from ever being a victim. It is true that through education, we can be safer from situations and even learn to follow concrete relational strategies that will greatly reduce the odds of our being victimized. We can avoid obvious careless situations that leave us compromised, but please stop blaming those who are victimized. Listen to them and learn from them if you can and try to support them as they heal. It is not helpful at all to respond with condescending statements, which are effective for sure in turning off hurting people from seeking the help they need, but in no way helps them heal or you to learn from them.

   Yes we do have to take the romantic Hollywood pablum and temper it with some serious and honest reality checks. We have to be courageous enough to examine our misconceptions and to learn from not only our own mistakes, but from our fellow humans as well. We can't afford to not hear the truth and we can not afford to believe that evil does not exist in the world, it does and it has to be met with some not so polite defensive barriers. I am all for straight talk that helps us all grow. I am not for boxed in simplistic views that label victims as having "created their own reality" or "drawn bad vibes to them" etc.. The same perpetrators of this view are often the ones who insist that all people are good. I think most people are good, but I know not all people are good. God gave us free will and some have very deliberately rejected Him and it is naive to not respect their choice. God will.

Goals for the Rest of 2011 inspired by Ms. Blondie

1) Healthier living habits: out with the bad and in with the good.
2) Once the budget is set, sticking to it no matter what the kid says or even "my heart" may say.
3) Growing better at relationship with daughter, most especially dealing with her anger when she doesn't get what she wants and standing firm, while avoiding harshness...very tough challenge I am facing here.
4) Taking time for myself, to paint and draw and create.
5) Designing a plan for the new delivery model as an art teacher that is dense with creativity and knowledge.
6) Getting the loft in order and getting rid of any and all clutter physically and mentally.

On The Call to Forgive

Forgive, certainly. Now understand that does not mean no consequences to abusive behavior. I don't think keeping good boundaries in place to keep evil out of my life means I have a hard heart. Careful how you push the compassion card, my compassion has been often used to manipulate and rendered me an enabling victim. There is a Savior who died for the sins of others, I am not called to "be" Jesus, only to accept his sacrifice and to release those who have sinned against me to his judgement, rather than my own. I can and will forgive, I will not be ignorant of lessons learned and "forget".

The Great Provider Strikes Again!

 I wrote a poem about 26 years ago with a very lonely stanza saying "knowing all along that we were quite alone in here".... underlying theme of course was the brutal sense that no one really saw "me" at all, much less loved me for me. Hooh hah!! It has been a long journey indeed to come so clearly the hard way to realize the opposite was true all along. God the father and Christ the savior have been right here all the time, for too many sad reasons it was I who could not see it. It was I who ran myself weary and tattered trying to be "good enough". And it wasn't until I risked it all to walk in Faith out of a nightmare, with no tiny illusion left that I was sufficient to "get myself together" much less my beloved daughter, that I feebly made the cry to my God and oh how he delivered, not in Hollywood instant magic but in slow and steady revelation allowing me time to hone my total trust. Every ridiculously hard struggle has strengthened my trust in him and grown my inner peace, confidence, and joy.
  Celebrations! My car will be fixed through the generosity and compassion of others who care for me. I have always been the giver, how healing to be the receiver of such generosity and compassion. I spent practically every dime on the debt resolution attorney and felt nauseous with the fear of worrying how we would get through another month. Felt God pushing me to move forward in trust. The letter my divorce attorney wrote must have struck a chord because within days I now have child support checks and they were all good. We will have gas and we will have food. Trust and risk came first, then God graciously provided.
    As we await next week's school board meeting, I am praying for another contract but not assuming my safety in the job but believing God will work it out as he wills it and praying I have courage to let go my worries to him totally. I think that is another lesson in this aggravating Bells Palsy affliction. I have to reduce the stress factors, patience Lord please, we are making progress. Thank you for the lessons and the blessings. I love you.

A Prayer for this Day

May we discern your will in our lives and grow stronger in our Faith as we walk through our valleys. May we keep our peace even when we do not understand the trials. May each struggling child of yours receive your holy spirit to give us the courage of David as he faced the Giant, for each of us have Giants to slay. May "Church Clubs" undergo a revival of the spirit and become alive to answering your call to serve a hurting world, be it the hungry in their own town or in an impoverished world. There is so much need and so much excess, let generosity of spirit loosen those hands that seem never to have enough so that they find the peace in sharing with their brothers and sisters. Help us Father to boldly proclaim our faith in you, with loving spirits. Please do open our eyes Lord so that we all see exactly what you would have us do to serve you in this broken world.