The Great Provider Strikes Again!

 I wrote a poem about 26 years ago with a very lonely stanza saying "knowing all along that we were quite alone in here".... underlying theme of course was the brutal sense that no one really saw "me" at all, much less loved me for me. Hooh hah!! It has been a long journey indeed to come so clearly the hard way to realize the opposite was true all along. God the father and Christ the savior have been right here all the time, for too many sad reasons it was I who could not see it. It was I who ran myself weary and tattered trying to be "good enough". And it wasn't until I risked it all to walk in Faith out of a nightmare, with no tiny illusion left that I was sufficient to "get myself together" much less my beloved daughter, that I feebly made the cry to my God and oh how he delivered, not in Hollywood instant magic but in slow and steady revelation allowing me time to hone my total trust. Every ridiculously hard struggle has strengthened my trust in him and grown my inner peace, confidence, and joy.
  Celebrations! My car will be fixed through the generosity and compassion of others who care for me. I have always been the giver, how healing to be the receiver of such generosity and compassion. I spent practically every dime on the debt resolution attorney and felt nauseous with the fear of worrying how we would get through another month. Felt God pushing me to move forward in trust. The letter my divorce attorney wrote must have struck a chord because within days I now have child support checks and they were all good. We will have gas and we will have food. Trust and risk came first, then God graciously provided.
    As we await next week's school board meeting, I am praying for another contract but not assuming my safety in the job but believing God will work it out as he wills it and praying I have courage to let go my worries to him totally. I think that is another lesson in this aggravating Bells Palsy affliction. I have to reduce the stress factors, patience Lord please, we are making progress. Thank you for the lessons and the blessings. I love you.