I despise getting hiccups. I always think it is my fault for having breathed too fast. And then there it is this thing that gives me a headache and seems as if it will not end and yet it does. This was a Monday that seemed to be something like that hiccup, that sense of being out of sync.
Although I woke my daughter up earlier, we still barely made it in time for her to catch the bus. In fact we were there two minutes early but the driver was already pulling out, I flashed my lights and she ran out to get on the bus while I am thinking it is so dark I only pray he sees her. I set things quickly in order for my first class and dash out to car duty.
Day goes fairly smoothly until lunch when I dash out to bank to see if the support checks are 'good' only to get to his bank and realize he has changed banks since last October to MY bank. Good news, the checks are good. Irritation, I can only imagine the conversations he has had with each and every employee of the branch. I also am irritated that none of this child support money will go to support his child, but will be eaten up in more legal fees for the mediation which is 99% certain to be no more solution than any of the other 'proposals' thus far. It is all about procrastination and domination and I am getting a nasty headache from the frustration of the whole mess.
Slide back into school in time to quickly consume my Ramen noodles before preparing for the afternoon classes. I look for my watch, removed to do the potter's wheel...damn, it is missing. Spent too much time looking for it, it is gone. If it were actually MY watch and not the one my daughter had lent me, it would not be such a big deal, except that it is also in my face that one of my darling students has stolen it from my desk top. That is a personal jab, a reminder again that you can't trust others and that I was dumb to not 'hide' it and dumb not to lock my door when I ran out to the bank at lunch.
So, I get on through the afternoon doing my best to teach and not show my upset feelings to my students. When the last group leaves I feel like I am completely drained. I begin to prepare for tomorrow and before I can catch my breath in comes a couple of cute kids with their Dad who want to hang out in my room and they do until I say okay I am going home now. This is like the third time this has happened in the last week and it is wearing thin. I am unsure how to tell them this is my time to plan and prepare and I am not up for entertaining them. I don't want them to feel unwelcome, but I am feeling a bit overwhelmed at the moment.
And finally we make it to support group and it is amazing how just being there with the 'Magnolias' feels like I am free to be out of the box. It is the one place I do not have to pretend. I can vent and it's okay. I can laugh like a nut and that's okay too. My closest friend in group reflects that maybe I am feeling so "bad" because I didn't paint this past weekend, yeah maybe so. Driving home I get that tomorrow will surely be better. This too shall pass. This too shall pass. It is just a hiccup; keep breathing.
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