The question posed to me by my attorney, after reading my point by point notes in response to the latest proposal. My gut feeling is, yes. The truth is important and more than that point protecting and empowering my daughter is certainly worth more than the $34K damage to me financially. I was not very trusting at "gut" level anyway when they said they would settle at the last hour, the day before our scheduled court hearing. We were ready. Now, we are still ready but will have to go through the entire process of securing witnesses again. This time I will insist on both his and Sarah's therapist being called to testify. The NEGCDV has agreed to pay at least one of them for the time (100. an hour) and I will get the money for the other one.
My lawyer said I could take however much time I need to reflect on the decision. I will take the weekend and I will discuss with my daughter's therapist, but I am 99% sure that I will risk the pension to have the opportunity to present the truth to the judge. I have always felt that as uncomfortable as testifying would be that it would also give me a therapeutic closure, for once being able to tell the absolute truth without him being able to scream, throw things, pull weapons, or simply walk out of the room. When the court date was dropped, I had the sense that it had been anticlimactic. I also had the sense that it was too good to be true and that I would not believe it until I saw his signature on the order prepared by my attorney.
The house is in my name as is all the debt for remodeling etc. I am willing to give him the house and assume liabiity for all the debt as a consequence of my own poor decisions. And if after presenting the case to a judge he feels he must award this man half of my pension, then I will live with that as well. But, I do not believe I am able to accept passively opening the door to his mental abuses being part of our daily life for the next five years, and I am confident that with the professionals' testimony that the judge will support the order as proposed by my attorney. I am not willing to concede to any more loopholes carefully written by his attorney. I know too well now how my husband will in fact use them to try to control and disturb our peace.
I have grown to trust my own instincts more this year and it is clear from the documents I am receiving from his side that he does not get that I am not the same compliant and fearful person he manged to manipulate for so many years. If it takes going to court for him to get it from a judge, then that is where we will be.
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