What a Difference a Year Makes

    On the way to support group tonight I was reflecting on how far I have come in the year since I found the support of the Council on Domestic Violence. Of course in the immediate crisis they provided a safe shelter for my child and I, but in the bigger picture they gave so much more. I was a nervous wreck; both frightened and still feeling compassion towards my abusive husband. I didn't want to have him arrested, I just wanted the madness to stop. I was one broken mess when I first became their 'client'.
  What a difference a year has made. The well-trained advocates kept me safe and helped me slowly navigate my way into reclaiming my life and my daughter's life. The night staff provided a safe place to talk and express my feelings, without burdening my daughter. We were in the shelter for eight months. I grew so much from simply living in that environment with many other women and children. Some of them I connected with right away and others were difficult to say the least to live with in such close quarters. But, even the negative experiences were good tests for practicing my newly aquired boundary skills.
  I have learned in this year that I am stronger than I thought. I have learned that it isn't my responsibility to fix broken people, but it is my responsibility to keep a safe distance from those that would hurt me or my child. I have learned to trust my own judgment again and that is HUGE. I have learned what the psychological issues actually are with my husband and that lifts the foggy vision I had of him and suddenly all the pieces fit. It is sad because I also know the odds of him getting well are slim to none, due to the nature of his issue itself.
  I no longer would turn the other direction should he violate the TPO; I will hold him accountable for his negative choices. I clearly get the fact that he is not capable of real love, but only of acting it out when it suits him.
 It has been painful to see my daughter come to terms with the fact that it isn't just about her Mom, but that it covers her as well. She had to see this for herself and she did make her own conclusions. We will be okay and possibly even better than okay. I am optimistic and stubbornly hopeful about where we will be a year from now.